All my life I have been shy and quiet around people. I always hated meeting new people and making new friends has always been very difficult for me because I just didn't really open up or talk to people. I'd been very anti-social. I used to always get nervous and let my social anxiety get the best of me. But not anymore. I feel like a new person. I am changing and becoming more and more socially comfortable. I love it. I feel like my mind is now finally free. I feel relaxed, happy and satisfied. I enjoy talking to people, I laugh. But I still don't have a best friend. Before I die, I want to have best friends who understand me, and care about me. I want friends I can share all my secrets with, I want to laugh with them till my stomach hurts. And have little inside jokes. Friends who want to do crazy things, like get high and laugh and eat all night. Friends who share my interests, and my views. Why does it seem so darn hard to find a perfect group of friends(or just one friend!!?)

I love Breaking Bad. It is the single most brilliant show ever, in human history.

Soon it will be cold enough to build fires.

My life is going through a massive change, and although i am pretty open about what is going on in my life, and wrote a post about all the exciting things that have been happening to me, i had to delete it because a certain unwanted stalker has been reading my blog, and i dont want that certain someone to follow up on what is going on in my life. This makes me sad because I want to share all the details of my life here, any suggestions on how I can deal with a situation like that? Should i change my url? I'll leave you with this picture I took with my crappy phone camera one day, it turned out rather dreamy looking, with that curved-effect. Its the East 65th Street Lexington Avenue, Manhattan, NY.

Whats going to save me now?

Geese chillin infront of my workplace

Actually this happened a few weeks ago.. i just wanted to post something on this blog. Ha.

Waking up at 3:35 in the night and crying my eyes out. This is how frustrated I am. Ah my life needs to stop screwing me.

Do i sound cheesy? k thanks bye

Do you know what is the cutest thing ever? When your "gora" (white) sweetheart fasts with you. <3

Changes.

I have gone through a humungous change this year. This was a year of huge, huge, changes for me.  My life underwent a strange transition. I was finally able to do things I thought I'd never be able to do. I did something that changed my entire life, my future plans. I let go of something very destructive to my emotional well being. It feels good now I don't have regrets, thats strange that I have no regrets. And trsut me its worth it, never let the fear of regret keep you from making a decision that you need to make. Its silly and worthless to fear about being regretful in the future. We spend a lot of time worrying about future. I have come to realize that its useless and it consumes your present.
This year I met someone who has a phenomenally large impact on my life and on my future too, of course. Its the most wonderful and beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. Of course every happy moment brings with it a strange possibility of loosing it all. But I can't let fear keep me from getting what I want. I have been fearful for too long. Its time to break out of my shell and I am going to take my chances.
I have yet to find a lot of things about life and about my self.  This is not easy, not easy at all. This road to self realization and discovery and is a long, long path full of twists and turns. But Im on my way.

followers!

WOW. I lost  a follower. I understand that I don't usually update my blog but why did you start following in the first place if you planned to un-follow later? I don't care about the number of followers anymore but this just makes me mad. Don't follow my blog if you don't want to. Plain simple.

Anyhow. I was looking for some really good Pakistani music to introduce an American friend to. I want something that is truly amazing because it will be the first time they will be hearing someone sing from Pakistan! And they are in a heavy metal band but would listen to everything!
So please help me pick out some really good Pakistani music.
Thank you for sticking with my blog I really appreciate it! =]

Good luck

S: "Is that how you say Good Luck in Urdu? Alah ka fazel ho?
Me: *Cracks up laughing* "LOL No silly thats not how normally I say good luck. I think this literally means God Bless you."
S: Well then how do you say it then?
Me: *thinks for about five awful minutes* "I dont really know I just say good luck!" =D
Gah. Haha. 

Waiting for something

"Waiting for something but I don't know what I want
Searching for reasons, reasons to carry on


Jumping from place to place
With a plan so out of range
Nothing I can do to save me
Nothing I can change"

Help!!

Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with a REAL  bitch at work? 

*heart*

Is unwillingly, unintentionally, reluctantly in LOVE!

Tomorrow, March 31st.

Another year, another birthday.

I know I you owe a nice post, dear blog!.



                                                               P.S. If anyone of you  is on my facebook, please don't wish me on my wall.

ADD!!

I want to change my blog title but I fear that it will mess up the url and would not direct a reader to my blog. Any suggestions? I don't want to change my url, just the blog name, is all.

I have been diagnosed with Adult ADD which is kind of exciting and a I feel relieved because my personality has been very chaotic and finally I feel like I have some peace and concentration. I feel like I just de-cluttered my brain. My doctor put me on Vyvanse and so far I feel good. 

I feel less burdened, in a way.
I also lost a follower or two. Did not surprise me, at all.

Unwanted desire.

Seven years ago I wanted something so desperately that I was ready to give up anything for it, but unfortunately I did not get it and now that thing came to me on its own and I refused to accept it.  Life is weird. Utterly complex. I never imagined grownup troubles could be so complicated.

I would appreciate it if you don't judge me by this post. Or any post.

Suddenly out of nowhere I feel like smoking my very first cigarette. I don't know how do I get a single one though. I don't want to waste $4 on something like that. :D I know it is gross but still I want to try it just for the heck of it.

PS Don't be judgemental.