I love Breaking Bad. It is the single most brilliant show ever, in human history.

Soon it will be cold enough to build fires.

My life is going through a massive change, and although i am pretty open about what is going on in my life, and wrote a post about all the exciting things that have been happening to me, i had to delete it because a certain unwanted stalker has been reading my blog, and i dont want that certain someone to follow up on what is going on in my life. This makes me sad because I want to share all the details of my life here, any suggestions on how I can deal with a situation like that? Should i change my url? I'll leave you with this picture I took with my crappy phone camera one day, it turned out rather dreamy looking, with that curved-effect. Its the East 65th Street Lexington Avenue, Manhattan, NY.

untitled

Today is one of those days when I feel like I'm the same 12 year old again. The pain of the past came back, somehow it always finds me in the strangest ways. Whenever I feel like I am getting close to happiness something always happens, something always takes that happiness away from me. For some people dealing with emotions, life, laughter, happiness is so easy. Everyone has their problems but mine just seem so complicated.

Whats going to save me now?

Randomness. =]

Adderall makes me want to write. Yay. I weigh 134 pounds and Im tall, 5'9". So I feel pretty good now that Im super skinny ;] I have a little pooch under my belly.. leg raises will help but it makes me sad when i look at my belly when I sit down (I actually do that infront of the dresser, take off my shirt and look at my belly, Im half crazy)then I just wear my cute tops or sweaters that I adore and try to forget about it. Hah. And workout like crazy when I see someone's flat sexy abs, I am obsessed, I need serious help, lol I have a love/hate relationship with candy. I cant hate chocolate but I cant eat it either. I eat it when lust takes over me. I cant be trusted when I am alone with chocolate in reach but its getting under control. Kind of. Oh and people, my real name is Aelia. I dont like Ally now. Will change it soon =] Its cute and I think I like it but Im getting tired of it. Its like Aelia doesnt exist. She does exist! =( I dont like "cuteness". I do use the word cute a lot but that doesn't mean I dont like bad ass stuff. I am not that cute-girly-pink-glittery-pearl-rainbowandunicorns loving girl. Dont judge me by my use of the word "cute" its has a thousand meanings in my dictinory ;] Lets gets some teas to calm the crazies down.

I am in NYC.

So its been officially three month since I moved to New York. And sadly, there is nothing about it that I love. I may have had a different opinion if I was here on vacation or if I had a truck load of money to spend, but, as broke as I am, and the reasons which forced me to move here, I absolutely hate it. The diversity, the fast paced life, the crowded streets, and every thing New York-ish appeal to some but thats just not me. I dont have friends here yet, the people I know so far are just plain weird. Its a fucking Capitalist's heaven. I never thought someday I'd be walking the streets of Manhattan on a New Years Eve, but there was something about it, something you like, and dislike at the same time. The crowd was abosultely crazy, apparently because the city is not covered in snow yet. It was surprisingly warm for a New Year's eve in NY. But I was shivering even in my warm puffy jacket. A lot of women were walking around in their little revealing glittering dresses, they had some strong you-know-whats to walk around half naked in bitter cold like that. I was really amused. Anyway, the worst part was that I was too cold to stick to the place from where people could see the ball drop.. and the NYPD had every street barricaded.. once you went out you couldn't get back to where you were, I know, how nice! Then my cold shivering body was nice enough to tell my brain to screw the ball and go get some coffee. So I did =] and since I couldnt go back I just spent those few hours wandering around and then I came home at 2 in the morning to see the ball drop video on youtube. How clever of me, isnt it? But hey, on the bright side I got my red 2012 eyeglasses. I shall post a picture of me wearing them =] cheesy but definitely worth it. PS.. I saw two people wearing ties and hats made from "Nerds" candy, how cool is that! They told me they were going to eat it afterwards lol.

Blogger Android App

Yay I'm so glad to know that blogger now has an app for android devices, I've been waiting so long for this I hope it works fine and not not act all slow and retarded.. I feel like coming back to blogging again ha. 

Bliss

West Virginia. 1 AM. Driving. Stephen. Metallica. Wherever I may roam. Gas Station Cappuccino. Blue Eyes. Cold moist night of September =]

Geese chillin infront of my workplace

Actually this happened a few weeks ago.. i just wanted to post something on this blog. Ha.

Waking up at 3:35 in the night and crying my eyes out. This is how frustrated I am. Ah my life needs to stop screwing me.

Do i sound cheesy? k thanks bye

Do you know what is the cutest thing ever? When your "gora" (white) sweetheart fasts with you. <3

Changes.

I have gone through a humungous change this year. This was a year of huge, huge, changes for me.  My life underwent a strange transition. I was finally able to do things I thought I'd never be able to do. I did something that changed my entire life, my future plans. I let go of something very destructive to my emotional well being. It feels good now I don't have regrets, thats strange that I have no regrets. And trsut me its worth it, never let the fear of regret keep you from making a decision that you need to make. Its silly and worthless to fear about being regretful in the future. We spend a lot of time worrying about future. I have come to realize that its useless and it consumes your present.
This year I met someone who has a phenomenally large impact on my life and on my future too, of course. Its the most wonderful and beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. Of course every happy moment brings with it a strange possibility of loosing it all. But I can't let fear keep me from getting what I want. I have been fearful for too long. Its time to break out of my shell and I am going to take my chances.
I have yet to find a lot of things about life and about my self.  This is not easy, not easy at all. This road to self realization and discovery and is a long, long path full of twists and turns. But Im on my way.

Weed =D

Confession:
Okay so I did weed last night. I was hoping it will make me happy and giggly but instead i was knocked out and i felt like i was melting and just falling apart into tiny fragments and i was seeing things that were not there =D I dont plan on doing that again cause I didnt like those dizzy spells and that passed-out feeling =P
But it was fun haha!

followers!

WOW. I lost  a follower. I understand that I don't usually update my blog but why did you start following in the first place if you planned to un-follow later? I don't care about the number of followers anymore but this just makes me mad. Don't follow my blog if you don't want to. Plain simple.

Anyhow. I was looking for some really good Pakistani music to introduce an American friend to. I want something that is truly amazing because it will be the first time they will be hearing someone sing from Pakistan! And they are in a heavy metal band but would listen to everything!
So please help me pick out some really good Pakistani music.
Thank you for sticking with my blog I really appreciate it! =]

Good luck

S: "Is that how you say Good Luck in Urdu? Alah ka fazel ho?
Me: *Cracks up laughing* "LOL No silly thats not how normally I say good luck. I think this literally means God Bless you."
S: Well then how do you say it then?
Me: *thinks for about five awful minutes* "I dont really know I just say good luck!" =D
Gah. Haha. 

Waiting for something

"Waiting for something but I don't know what I want
Searching for reasons, reasons to carry on


Jumping from place to place
With a plan so out of range
Nothing I can do to save me
Nothing I can change"

Help!!

Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with a REAL  bitch at work?